Zombie Ramblings

Right up front, let’s get one thing clear.

This post is MY ramblings, not some dogma, beliefs, laws, or anything serious. Just fun ramblings and musings by yours truly. Got it?

My wife is into and watching the US TV show, “Walking Dead.” I’m not all that into it, but I watch it with her from time to time when I’m not reading or doing something else. To me, watching this show is like reading Westerns…they do the same thing over and over: split up, wander, survive, link up, fight with other groups, repeat. She’s into the people, I’m meh on it.

For those of you wondering, I’ve read a couple Westerns. Some are different, but the vast majority of them are similar except for the type of horse, the horse’s name, the guy’s name, the girl’s name, and the name of the town.

My XYL (that’s ham-speak for wife) and I have had some fun discussions about zombies, though. That’s where the rest of this blog comes in.

Enjoy! Remember, these are just my brain wandering and musing.

One of the ladies had a baby and at one point feared she was going to be stillborn. Apparently, everyone’s infected so if they die they turn into zombies. We wound up talking about if the baby turned into a zombie as a result of that. There were some funny and creepy results of that discussion, such as…

  1. The baby has no teeth, so it’d have to gum it’s way out of the mom.
  2. Going by the way the infection is able to take over animating the body when the brain is destroyed, once out the zombie baby would be promptly up and shuffling, arms out, growling (albeit high pitched and not very loud). If it caught you, it’d promptly set to gumming you. This whole aspect is hilariously creepy in my mind.

Since the zombies lately all seem to be infected, excepting of course those zombies pulled up by voodoo and other such means, can zombies starve to death? They don’t eat each other, and when there’s no more fresh meat around…do they hibernate and slowly decompose? I suppose they could live a long time, like various bugs, fish, lizards, etc. that are comatose for years in ice, dried mud, and so forth until conditions return to favorable for them to live again. But with the bodies so obviously decomposing as soon as they turn I can see the infection starving to death. Especially once the host bodies are gone.

Supposedly, the virus in “Walking Dead” destroys the brain and takes over animating the corpse by taking control via the top of the spinal system. So, how does a poke in the head kill them, and how does cutting off their head at the neck as often as not result in a still animated body and head, only separated? Yet other times, cutting off the head seems to kill the zombie. Hmmm.

When the humans die, say of their wounds, a disease, starvation, whatever, out in the countryside, since they turn so fast into zombies, it must drive those circling buzzards nuts. I can just see it: “Hey, Al! There’s a dead body down there! Let’s eat! Oh, wait, it’s up again. What’s up with that, anyway, Al? How’s a buzzard supposed to know any more?”

The zombies, when they walk, lift up their feet maybe 3 inches at most. As often as not they just shuffle their feet along the surface. Now suppose someone loses their leg, by accident or deliberately as happened. Further suppose they have to make their own. After all, prosthesis aren’t likely to be readily available. The most likely result is…a good, old peg leg.

Now picture the person killed. He or she turns into a zombie with a peg leg. Shuffling along, the peg leg goes into a gopher, ground squirrel, rabbit, whatever hole. Since the zombie doesn’t lift it’s foot up, just shuffles along, that peg leg isn’t going to be coming out of the hole any time soon. How long do you think that zombie is going to be walking in a circle around it’s peg leg?

For that matter, if two zombies are approaching each other and collide, if they somehow get stuck together (I can think of several ways), will they forever shuffle around each other on that one spot?

Ah, well. Those were fun to think about. I’m sure people will come up with perfectly valid excuses and workarounds but I’m not into zombies enough to care, really. I’m just having fun with what little I know and funny circumstances I can come up with.

Here’s one for you.

What if only a certain group of people turned into zombies and instead of craving brains and hot flesh, they craved doing to other people whatever their profession was. Maybe doing that would also turn those people into zombies, too, just to keep things “real”. Heh! OK, so what profession would be the funniest as a zombie?

Chefs are too much like current zombies, they’d try and slice and dice you and serve you up. Mechanics could be interesting. Beauticians? Mimes? Gah! Can you imagine a world of mimes?!?! You’d never hear them coming, though! Dancers?

And please, just leave all this as the thought experiments they are. No need to try and create zombies just to answer the above for once and all. The human race will thank you for your restraint.

Advertisements

Tags: , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


%d bloggers like this: